 By Joshua Hart, LMHC (B.A New Mexico Institute of Mining & Technology, M.A Paul Mitchell Hair & Beauty)
In a yearly tradition that I average to complete 50% of the time, I have once again risen from my L-shaped sectional couch to write hurtful things about middle-aged men. To be quite honest, I have no clue why this article is even necessary as the Circle City Wiffle website has a larger link tree and more online content than a fitness influencer who lives in southern California. It is almost like league commissioner Brendan Dudas is cosplaying as an MLB executive while his students watch Big Short clips and Moneyball for the 18th time in their current semester. The real purpose of this article might be to give CCW a shot of personality with the website wreaking of Chat GPT-manufactured content and a player pool that features several individuals incapable of passing a high school physical education test or holding the ability to get a dating app match even if they lived in Umoja, Kenya (Google it). Everyone likes each other. Wives and girlfriends even get along (shocking to say the least). The alcoholics are pretty subtle about it. Rules have been fine-tuned to prevent most angry disputes. The league is about as dry and flavorless as Lizzie Caughey’s sourdough bread, and that is cause for concern. But wait! Some reports have told me the league is actually in a better spot than it has ever been due to the addition of a three-part schedule featuring slow, fast, and cutball pitching, new rules for pitchers, and a revamped free agency program that was put to use in recent weeks. Some of this information does prove a point because we all know the ultimate sign of a healthy sports association or business is to be constantly changing your methods, rules, and teams (with consolidation and shaky attendance) year after year… CCW teams all follow the same model. They have one or two players who are very good and take things fairly seriously. Each has two or three players that are happy to be there. Rounding out the rosters are typically a few more guys who will look to utilize every excuse in the world to get to the following message in a group chat: “not gonna make this week guys, but good luck! I’ll try to be there next time for sure.” Team Previews I do want to mention I have no clue the entire 2025 roster for any of these squads. I read the free agency article on CCW’s website, and looked at 2024 stats. I refuse to ask Dudas for a current spreadsheet or do any actual research. And per usual, I do hope someone gets their feelings hurt. If I did not write about you (a particular player), that means I do not care for you. 8 Balls The most boring franchise in the league year after year, the 8 Balls are never the team that’s fun to play and they aren’t the team who brings the best out of anyone in terms of competition. Gone are the days of the Speek family in their prime so team manager Reid Warner wisely decided to surround the terminator that is Austin Alles and himself by signing the three most out of shape players in league history i.e Cody House, Jay Wilsey, and Alex Gurtcheff (which hurts me to write considering they are all extremely nice people). That’s about it. They will lose in the semi-finals or something and it won’t be close. Wait, hang on. Alles isn’t even on this team anymore?? Yikes. Hounds Stung by the departure of the only piece of diversity CCW really has (Mike Witty), Dylan Jones was faced with some difficult choices with his franchise that has caused him more stress than the second child he has on the way or the lack of fiber in his diet due to never being willing to eat a vegetable. Jones did an admirable job piecing together a roster that lost the only person in league history willing to take his shirt off on IG live by signing Austin Alles, Jake Tinkle, and Netflix’s Temptation Island Season 1 cast member Josh Hart aka myself. The Hounds also added Dash’s teacher from The Incredibles in Mitch Buis who might be the Indiana Pacers of pitchers. Competitive, talented, crafty and able to battle with anyone in the league on a given Wednesday or Sunday, unfortunately, you aren’t getting to the top of the mountain with him as an ace. To be honest, I should probably try to find out the new pitching rules because I want to say that having three solid arms is now a huge deal with the adjusted rules which might mean the trio of Buis, Alles, and Tinkle could bring a championship home with the intangibles Hart brings to the table. Something to keep in mind and could also contradict the rest of this article. Moonshots Always a really dangerous threat to get second place, the Moonshots are once again led by one of the best wiffle players in the known universe in Will Smithey. Commitment for improvement has been over the top this offseason as Smithey opted to build a wiffle training facility in his house instead of a nursery for his soon-to-be child. When asked for a comment, Smithey replied, “babies can just sleep on a couch.” Also on the Moonshots is nice guy Tyler Gregory. Likely in his last year playing in the CCW, Gregory is about as consistent as peanut butter and jelly (I truly have sat at my laptop stuck for the past 10 minutes trying to come up with something terrible to say about him and I am at a complete loss of options). The rest of this team is more boring than your coworker trying to explain the most recent episode of Severance to you. I want to say they have a couple of Connor’s and a Mitch Universe as well, who has some big look the part, but don't play the part energy. Finally, the Moonshots also snagged IG influencer (for teens) Cody Fowler, a move that might affect 1-2 weeks of the season at most. Fowler has significant conflicts in his schedule as a private hitting coach who has mastered the concept of posting story highlights to promote his clients when they play well while also demanding they come in for four to five sessions per week when they are in a slump so he can purchase new PXG irons and pay off his gambling debts all in the name of “helping them in their journey.” Short Shorts In the most artificially manufactured move in league history, international bodybuilder who is definitely not on steroids Mike Witty “stunned” the wiffle world when he decided to team up with commissioner Dudas after leading the Hounds to a title in 2024. This move did a great job to shake up the league by guaranteeing the 2025 championship before week 1 of competition takes place. I am assuming the Short stance is that their role players are weak, meaning the playoffs are wide open. If Witty can still go nuclear come playoff time on the mound, it won’t matter. There is nobody else in the league with a full set of hair that can match his productivity. Speaking of role players, CCW regular Keegan Caughey spent more time recreating Good Will Hunting scenes to declare his return to this franchise than he has in a gym over the past five years. The good news? Caughey has likely found the ideal home for an aging veteran. The bad news? Get ready to go see about finding a nice lawn chair for the postseason buddy because you are definitely not getting meaningful at-bats when it gets down to crunch time (again). Everyone else on this team has to be awful because there’s no way they could afford another player that serves any purpose to a wiffle ball team or a functioning society. Stampede The team I want to write about the absolute least has to be the Stampede. The CCW website claims that they had an “aggressive” free agency which honestly does not make sense because the free agency portal basically required every other team to be fairly aggressive as well. The Stampede is a roster filled with B+ players in a league where having one A+ player is all that matters. Players such as Nick Bundy and Dalson Murdock hope to bring a shot of juice to a franchise that refuses to have a good nickname along with a pair of unhinged nutcases on the mound in brothers Holden and Aidan Palmer. Each has the unique ability of being able to throw no-hit shutouts and fall asleep in their car prior to games, forcing teammates to make last-minute adjustments. Yakkers Led by the equivalent of leftover brown rice in Rudy Lyon, the Yakkers seem to be a team that struggles to retain or keep top talent consistently. Due to this, Lyon had to go full-blown Adam Sandler in The Longest Yard by signing ace Alex Buchman, recently released from prison after being confused for a Venezuelan cartel member that was going to be included in Trump’s deportation programs. Thomas Hopkins returns and will run slower than ever. Colt Cantrell will likely break four or five bats over the course of the season. They are destined to be the worst team in the league. How you define worst is up to you, but they will fit that category in some way, shape or form. -- Season Predictions MVP: *yawn* Will Smithey Cy Young: *YAWN* Mike Witty Silver Slugger: Brendan Dudas (so original) Rookie of the Year: A grown man or a little kid Defensive Player of the Year: A staple in this article (someone who tries way too hard) Championship: Short Shorts over Moonshots 7 Tough Questions 1: Have you ever thought about wiffle ball while making love? Will Smithey 2: Will you blink twice if you are in the mafia? Ian Garavalia 3: Are you still in the league or are you fishing? Cody House 4: Is he a good athlete that’s underperforming or a mediocre athlete that’s doing his best out there? Josh Hart 5: Will you ever show up? Devon Hensley 6: Who are you? Mason Bruce 7: There’s a guy named Jathan in this league??? Jathan Wilsey Most Likely To’s Probably have a girlfriend now: Austin Alles Finally have an elbow issue that ends it all (love ya man): Reid Warner Show up to week one with a brand new car, but it’s a Hyundai. Don’t get me wrong, a pretty nice Hyundai, but you aren’t filled with jealousy about it or anything like that. Gonna receive a lot of “nice car man” comments initially, but then as the days and weeks go by, still gotta deal with the fact that you’re driving a Hyundai and the fun and excitement life could have provided you has probably passed by entirely, partially because a decision was made to buy a Hyundai: Alex Gurtheff Use a slur, but it’s funny and lightens the mood: Mike Witty Use a slur, but it makes people quiet and uneasy: Holden Palmer Get really mad about something, but holds his tongue because he’s a nice guy: Mitch Buis Sneakily be most competitive person in the league: Cade Luker Have a little McDonald’s something something on him: Coby Taylor Meltdown: Colt Cantrell Wear some silly tights: James Haworth Say 4 words you understand for every 10 he speaks: Keith Dudas Have parents that tried “real hard” to come up with a unique name: Connor Smith Look like a guy who served in Vietnam and returned home broken: Dustin Laugel Forget what team they’re actually on by Week 3: Ethan New Show up late and insist it was traffic, despite living 8 minutes away: Brendan Dudas Casually bring a radar gun to a slow pitch game: Will Smithey Start a bench-clearing argument, then say “it’s not that deep” later: Honestly, any member of the Dudas/Palmer family + Cade Luker (basically the entire Stampede roster) Have multiple teammates ask if they’re sober right now: Dalsen Murdock Post a video of himself hitting in the cage that nobody asked for: Cody Fowler Talk about being "washed" like he was ever a problem in the first place: Also Cody Fowler Request his games be moved for a bachelor party he isn't in: Josh Hart Have a wife more famous than he is in CCW circles: Keegan Caughey Be way too passionate about lawn care: Brendan Dudas Randomly reappear in Week 6 like nothing happened: Mike Speek Secretly run a burner Twitter to argue about league power rankings: Thomas Hopkins Beg to be mic’d up and immediately say something cancelable: Coby Taylor Own a massage gun and think that makes him a “recovery guy”: Rudy Lyon Use the phrase “vibes were off” as a legitimate explanation for going 0-for-8: Dalton Lewis
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 By Laugel
Hounds (6-5 last season) vs. 8-Balls (3-8 last season) Hounds Roster
2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 6-4 8-Balls Roster
The 8-Balls may have lost some power with Alles, but House is no slouch, and neither is Wilsey. Expect Reid and Gurtch to continue blasting swamp donkeys all season. With steady production from all their players, it’s reasonable to believe they will win more than last season—but it’s not unreasonable to believe they won’t either. 2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 3-8 Stampede (8-4 last season) vs. Short Shorts (3-8 last season) Stampede Roster
The Stampede looked like the best slow pitch team of last season until the Moonshots proved otherwise in the tournament. The Stampede have a solid offensive threat with the Palmer brothers on base, along with Cade and Murdock providing the pop. Expect them to have another solid season, but likely fall short of last year’s team. Isn’t it about time a different Dudas dominates the league in hitting? 2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 5-5 Short Shorts Roster
Outside of Dudas, the Short Shorts’ lack of power is a major flaw—and the stats back that up. 2nd in hits, fewest strikeouts by far of any team, but #1 in leaving runners on base and tied for last in home runs. Keegan, Unversaw, and Hensley should provide good performance, but if Laugel doesn’t have as many home runs in him as he does beers, this team may be the same old story. So won’t the real cleanup hitter please stand up? 2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 3-7 Yaks (6-5 last season) vs. Moonshots (8-4 last season) Yaks Roster
The Yaks lineup looks to do some serious damage at the 35 mph level. In 2024, they were 2nd in AVG, slugging, OBP, home runs, and runs scored. Expect them to be right in the thick of it all season long if their returning core of Lyons, Hopkins, and Mitchell continue to play at a high level. The additions of Lewis, Cantrell, and Buchman should make up for anything they may have lost. Wild yaks may be endangered, but these domesticated (debatable) ones are in it for the long haul. 2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 7-3 Moonshots Roster
The Moonshots appeared to be asleep the first couple weeks of last season, steadily improving until the final week when they became white hot and won it all come tournament time. There’s no doubt Smithey and T-Greg will continue to disrespect the families of pitchers across the league, and Young should be a solid offensive addition. The Moonshots hit a league-leading 107 home runs last year—an absurd number that seems unlikely to improve on. Still, they’ll be a force even with the offense returning somewhat down to Earth. 2025 Slow Pitch Prediction: 6-4 Other Notable Predictions
 As the 2025 CCW season approaches, it's time to break down how each team stacks up in key positional categories. History has shown that certain elements—especially elite pitching—play an outsized role in a team’s championship hopes. We’ve ranked each team by their strengths in various categories and wrapped up with overall power rankings. Ace Rankings
Fielding Rankings
Taking all of these positional rankings into account, here’s where the teams stack up heading into 2025:View the full team power rankings here: Power Rankings Final Thoughts: The CCW landscape is incredibly competitive, with elite talent spread throughout the league. As always, health, in-season adjustments, and player development will play a huge role in who actually makes the deepest playoff run. One thing is for certain—2025 is shaping up to be another thrilling season of wiffle ball.   The 2025 CCW Rookie Draft was one of the most highly anticipated in recent memory, featuring a deep and promising class of incoming talent. With teams looking to fill key gaps and build for the future, the lottery set the stage for an exciting selection process. As expected, the draft order followed the odds, with the Stampede securing the first overall pick and the rest of the teams falling in line accordingly. Let’s take a closer look at each selection and what these rookies bring to their new squads. 1st Pick - Stampede: Brayden Scott Brayden Scott was widely regarded as the top available rookie and the Stampede wasted no time in securing his services. An experienced wiffle ball player and former teammate of Short Shorts’ Dustin Laugel, Scott brings immediate credibility to the Stampede's rotation. The Palmers are expected to carry the bulk of the pitching load, but Scott’s addition could provide much-needed depth and stability on the mound. If he lives up to expectations, the Stampede might have landed a game-changer with the first overall pick. 2nd Pick - Moonshots: Nolan Karwoski The Moonshots continued their tradition of targeting high-upside sluggers by selecting Nolan Karwoski. His performance at the rookie combine turned heads, as he showcased jaw-dropping raw power in batting practice. Players and scouts in attendance marveled at the sheer force behind his swings, as he consistently launched balls with authority. While his game may still be unrefined, the Moonshots are banking on his power potential to add another dangerous bat to their lineup. 3rd Pick - Short Shorts: Byron Young The Short Shorts added the youngest player in the league by selecting Byron Young, the younger brother of reigning Rookie of the Year Connor Young. While Byron is still developing, his performance on the mound at the rookie combine was impressive. He displayed excellent command, throwing more strikes than any other rookie in attendance, which could immediately help shore up the Shorts’ rotation. With time and development, Byron could become a key piece for the team. 4th Pick - 8 Balls: John Mitchell John Mitchell may have been the most physically imposing player in the draft, towering over his peers and displaying impressive athleticism. While his command on the mound was lacking, he flashed a fastball that reached over 90 miles per hour—an elite velocity for CCW standards. His raw power at the plate was also evident, though consistency will be key for his development. The 8 Balls, a team known for prioritizing safe, steady players, took a calculated risk on Mitchell’s upside, hoping he can refine his tools and become a force in the league. 5th Pick - Hounds: Ethan New A familiar face in the Indy wiffle community, Ethan New has been a longtime supporter of CCW and a regular in local YMCA wiffle tournaments. His experience gives him an edge over some of the other rookies, as he’s already accustomed to the nuances of competitive wiffle ball. The Hounds, fresh off an eventful free agency period, added him for depth and lineup flexibility. New’s familiarity with the sport should help him adjust quickly to CCW play. 6th Pick - Yakkers: Kent Nims The Yakkers rounded out the first round by selecting Kent Nims, a strike-throwing pitcher with an unusual but effective approach. He gained attention by submitting a scouting video of himself consistently hitting the edges of the strike board, even weaving pitches around his young daughter standing nearby. With the Yakkers' pitching staff always facing the potential for injuries or availability issues, Nims could see meaningful innings and become a valuable depth piece. Draft TakeawaysThe 2025 CCW Rookie Draft showcased a mix of experienced wiffle ball players, raw power hitters, and projectable athletes. Here are some key takeaways from this year’s class:
  The history books of Circle City Wiffle tell a story of shifting dynasties, legendary performances, and the occasional defunct franchise (RIP Kings of Diamonds, Skeeters, and Noodlers). From Brendan Dudas’ reign of terror in the mid-2010s to Will Smithey’s Moonshots dynasty and Myc Witty’s emergence with the Hounds, CCW’s championship lineage has seen its fair share of dominance. But why stop at looking back when we can look forward? With the 2025 season fast approaching, we could have played it safe—offering basic predictions like everyone else. Instead, we turned to the most powerful tool known to man: Artificial Intelligence (which has never been wrong, ever). We’re not just calling the 2025 champion. We’re mapping out the next 16 years of CCW titles—every dynasty rise, every power shift, and every expansion team that will shake the league to its core. Bookmark this. Screenshot it. Laugh now, but when a “Caleb Vance” or “Brady Castner” enters CCW in 2035, just remember: we told you first. Let’s get into it. The CCW dynasty map awaits...  2025 Champion: Hounds Team MVP: Dylan Jones The loss of Myc Witty leaves questions about whether the Hounds can stay on top, but the defending champs refuse to go quietly. With Jake Sprinkle and Austin Alles stepping into larger roles, they maintain elite depth on the mound. Jones becomes the offensive centerpiece, carrying the lineup while Sprinkle and Coby Taylor anchor the pitching staff. They outlast the Short Shorts in a grueling championship series, solidifying themselves as a CCW powerhouse with their second title in three years. 2026 Champion: Short Shorts Team MVP: Myc Witty After over a decade of falling short, the Short Shorts finally reclaim the CCW throne. Witty proves his move from the Hounds was the right call, putting together a legendary season on the mound and at the plate. Devon Hensley becomes a crucial contributor, providing the offensive consistency the Shorts lacked in past playoff runs. In the end, the Shorts snap a 11-year title drought, capturing their first championship since 2015. 2027 Champion: Stampede Team MVP: Holden Palmer One of the longest-tenured teams without a championship finally breaks through. After years of playoff heartbreak, the Stampede build a dominant core, led by the Palmer brothers and the emergence of Tristan Dudas as an offensive force. Their defensive versatility and relentless pitching staff make them a nightmare matchup, allowing them to outlast the defending champion Short Shorts in a tight championship series. 2028 Champion: Yakkers Team MVP: Alec Buchman One of CCW’s oldest teams finally puts it all together, claiming their first championship. The Yakkers build a deep, balanced roster, relying on elite pitching and clutch hitting. Alec Buchman emerges as one of the best arms in CCW, and the team’s small-ball approach helps them grind out low-scoring wins. The championship marks the beginning of a new contender in the CCW hierarchy. 2029 Champion: Moonshots Team MVP: Ian Garavalia The Moonshots reclaim their place atop CCW, winning their first title since 2022. Garavalia evolves into a true two-way force, dominating both at the plate and on the mound. Alongside Jaxon Ridgeway, whose speed and defense give the team an extra edge, the Moonshots overwhelm their opponents with a mix of power, athleticism, and elite pitching depth. The championship cements the Moonshots as one of CCW’s most successful franchises. 2030 Champion: Hounds Team MVP: Austin Alles With many of their original championship core aging out, the Hounds reload and return to the top. Austin Alles steps into the leadership role, carrying the offense with his balanced power-speed game. Jake Sprinkle and Coby Taylor provide key depth, and the Hounds’ pitching staff remains elite, allowing them to grind through another deep postseason run. 2031 Champion: Short Shorts Team MVP: Mitch Unversaw The Short Shorts refuse to fade, proving their 2026 title was no fluke. After losing some key veterans, the Shorts reload with a new wave of talent. Mitch Unversaw becomes the franchise’s next star, using his speed and contact hitting to lead one of the league’s most potent lineups. The Shorts ride an explosive offense to their third championship. 2032 Champion: Expansion Team - Cyclones Team MVP: Colton Beasley Expansion shakes up the league, and the Cyclones waste no time making history. Behind Colton Beasley, an electric two-way player, they storm through the league in their debut season, delivering a shocking championship. Expansion teams have had success before in CCW history, but none have done it this fast. 2033 Champion: Expansion Team - Mammoths Team MVP: Landon Cline Another expansion team crashes the CCW elite, this time using a power-first approach. The Mammoths build their roster around dominant hitting and strong pitching, with slugger Landon Cline leading the charge. Cline puts on a postseason clinic, crushing game-winning homers while the Mammoths ride a deep pitching staff to the title. 2034 Champion: Moonshots Team MVP: Jaxon Ridgeway Now in his prime, Ridgeway dominates, leading the Moonshots back to the top. Their elite pitching staff and well-rounded lineup make them nearly unstoppable, and their third championship in 13 seasons cements them as a CCW dynasty. 2035 Champion: 8 Balls Team MVP: Reid Werner (Final Season) In a storybook ending, CCW legend Reid Werner closes out his career with one last championship. The 8 Balls, one of CCW’s most respected franchises, blend veteran leadership with young talent, including rookie Caleb Vance, who steps up in the biggest moments. Werner rides off into the sunset as one of CCW’s greatest of all time. 2036 Champion: Stampede Team MVP: Brady Castner The Stampede’s second wave of stars takes over, and Brady Castner establishes himself as the best player in CCW. His elite two-way play drives the team, while the Palmer brothers provide the veteran leadership needed to win tough playoff matchups. The Stampede prove their 2027 title wasn’t a fluke, solidifying their place among CCW’s great franchises. 2037 Champion: Expansion Team - Clippers Team MVP: Miles Davenport Yet another expansion team breaks through, and the Clippers make a historic run. Miles Davenport, a defensive wizard and dynamic leadoff hitter, leads a young, exciting team to a championship in just their second season. The Clippers immediately become one of CCW’s must-watch franchises. 2038 Champion: Short Shorts Team MVP: Cade Sullivan The Short Shorts return to dominance, winning their fourth title. Cade Sullivan steps up as the new franchise cornerstone, delivering clutch performances while playing elite defense. Their long history of perseverance pays off, proving they are one of CCW’s all-time best teams. 2039 Champion: Hounds Team MVP: Dawson Redman The Hounds rise again, proving that championship DNA doesn’t fade. Dawson Redman, an underrated but deadly clutch player, delivers game-changing moments, leading the Hounds to another championship. 2040 Champion: Moonshots Team MVP: Tate Willoughby Tate Willoughby puts the league on notice, dominating on the mound and carrying the Moonshots to yet another title. This win solidifies the Moonshots as a CCW dynasty, matching the Hounds and Short Shorts as four-time champions. The Future is Written—But 2025 is Now Sixteen years of triumph, heartbreak, and dynastic dominance lie ahead, their champions etched in the annals of CCW history before a single pitch of 2025 has even been thrown. Legends will rise, expansion will shake the league to its core, and franchises will forge their legacies in the fire of competition. Yet, for all the prophecy and foresight, one truth remains: CCW is unpredictable. No AI, no algorithm, no force of nature can account for the grit of an underdog, the resurgence of a forgotten star, or the madness of October wiffleball. Will the Hounds reclaim their throne? Can the Short Shorts finally end their title drought? Or will a new contender emerge from the shadows? All the speculation ends here. The path to greatness begins now. Welcome to the 2025 CCW season.   If the CCW landscape was a carefully laid-out chessboard before free agency, then the last week has flipped it over entirely. We witnessed seismic shifts, surprise reunions, and one decision so stunning it sent ripples through the entire Wiffle world. Let’s break down the action, day by day, and unpack what it all means for the upcoming season. Full rosters can be viewed on the CCW Hot Stove page. Day 1: The Witty Bombshell Free agency wasted no time in delivering its most shocking moment. Myc Witty, long considered the heart and soul of the Hounds, made a last-minute decision to leave for the Short Shorts. Reportedly convinced by a phone call with his mother, Witty's move turned the CCW hierarchy on its head. The Hounds, suddenly without their franchise player, were left scrambling for a new direction, while the Shorts immediately became a powerhouse with Dudas and Witty leading the charge. Day 2: Top Names Find Their Homes With the initial shockwave settling, major pieces started falling into place. Tyler Gregory unsurprisingly re-upped with the Moonshots for what is expected to be his final CCW season. The Yakkers retained Thomas Hopkins while adding Alec Buchman, a returning ace who could shake up the pitching landscape. Alex Gurtcheff also returned to the 8 Balls after a strong season there in 2024. Meanwhile, Aidan Palmer made headlines by leaving the Yakkers after two stellar seasons to likely reunite with his brother Holden on the Stampede. The Hounds countered by bringing in Mitch Buis from the Stampede, helping stabilize their rotation. The stage was set for even more movement.  Day 3: Stampede’s Master Plan Unfolds The Stampede's patience paid off as Holden Palmer joined his brother Aidan, solidifying a dangerous one-two punch on the mound. Nick Bundy’s signing further strengthened their offense, signaling that the Stampede were not just filling out a roster—they were building a contender. Elsewhere, the Short Shorts secured Dustin Laugel, the Yakkers retained Sawyer Mitchell, and the Hounds made two major moves by locking in Jake Sprinkle and Austin Alles. The latter signing, in particular, helped turn the Hounds’ roster from post-Witty crisis mode back into title contention. Day 4: Reinforcements Arrive Connor Young, last year’s Rookie of the Year, stayed with the Moonshots, providing stability at the top of their order. Dalsen Murdock remained with the Stampede, continuing their aggressive free agency. Coby Taylor returned to the Hounds, adding another bat to their revamped lineup. The 8 Balls got a huge addition in Cody House, while Dalton Lewis bolstered the Yakkers’ rotation. Toward the day’s end, Jay Wilsey signed with the 8 Balls, ensuring their pitching staff had some much-needed depth. Day 5: The Youth Movement Day 5 was all about upside as the Short Shorts and Moonshots doubled down on younger talent. The Shorts brought in Mitch Unversaw, veteran Keegan Caughey, and Devon Hensley, adding a mix of experience and high-ceiling potential. The Moonshots countered with the additions of Connor Smith and Ian Garavalia, both of whom could make an immediate impact.  Day 6: The Final Pieces With most big names off the board, teams focused on filling in gaps. The Hounds closed out free agency by signing Josh Hart, who made the audacious claim that he would replace Witty’s production. Cody Fowler joined the Moonshots as a part-time player, while the Stampede won the battle for Tristan Dudas, a highly coveted late-stage free agent. Colt Cantrell reunited with manager Rudy on the Yakkers, and the 8 Balls rounded things out with Alec Berninger, further strengthening their pitching depth. Final Takeaways
As the dust settles on an unforgettable free agency period, one thing is clear: CCW 2025 is going to be must-watch wiffle. Buckle up, because this ride is just getting started.  Reported by Jorf Porsson Some decisions in sports transcend the game. They ripple through history, altering the trajectory of a franchise, a league, and the very mythology of competition itself. Keegan Caughey’s decision to return to the Short Shorts is one of those moments—a seismic shift in Circle City Wiffle that evokes the grandeur of a LeBron-esque homecoming. For a player of Caughey’s stature—sixth all-time in home runs, fifth in both RBI and hits, a war-hardened veteran of 197 battles—the story should have been a coronation. But last season, his tenure with the Hounds ended not with fireworks but with a cold and merciless benching in the playoffs. It was a stark reminder that, even for legends, loyalty is a fragile thing. The Hounds may have wanted him once, but in the defining moment of their season, they turned their backs. The message was clear: he was expendable. And so, Caughey went searching for something more. Not a championship, not a paycheck—he had already earned those in abundance. He sought something deeper. A sense of belonging. A return to the place where his name wasn’t just inked into a lineup but woven into the very fabric of the franchise. The Dirtyard—a hallowed cathedral of plastic baseball—was always more than a field to him. It was home. His announcement video, a dramatic homage to Good Will Hunting, was layered with symbolism. The dialogue was thick with subtext, a poetic rendering of a man reckoning with his past, weighing the burden of unfinished business. The crux of it came with four simple words: “I got to go.” It was a note left on a door. A promise to himself. A calling. Jorf Porsson, CCW’s all-knowing insider, pressed Caughey about when he knew the Short Shorts were always his team. The response was instantaneous—August 14, 2012. A game, a moment, a legend in the making. He recounted a night at the Dirtyard, a colossal battle where Will Smithey—National Player of the Year—obliterated a moonshot that sent the crowd into bedlam. But Caughey? He wasn’t on the field. He wasn’t in the dugout. He was watching from the deck, beer in hand, absorbing a spectacle that would unknowingly set his destiny in motion. “You played with him?” Porsson asked. “No,” Caughey admitted. “I was sitting on the deck drinking a beer with my future coach.” That’s when it hit. He was never meant to be a spectator. He was meant to be a part of something greater. And when the moment finally arrived, when he was face-to-face with the decision he always knew he had to make, he handed back the Hounds jersey and walked away. “Sorry man, I got to go see about a team.” And just like that, Keegan Caughey was home. The Shorts are not a perfect team. Caughey is not a perfect player. But sometimes, two imperfect things can be perfect for each other. That’s the beauty of this return—not just a reunion, but a restoration of something that should have never been broken in the first place. When he steps into the batter’s box at the Dirtyard once more, the vibes will be different. Not just admiration for the numbers, not just appreciation for the player, but an understanding of the journey. He has played in many games, hit many home runs, and carried many teams. But now? Now he gets to be exactly where he’s supposed to be. Home.  By Jorf Porsson It’s the kind of move that shakes a league to its core. The kind that rewrites history and makes legends--or villains—overnight. Myc Witty, the ace of the Hounds, the back-to-back Cy Wiffle winner, the architect of their dynasty, has left the reigning champs in the dust. And for what? A hundred bucks. Custom cleats. Control over the roster and jersey design. And the chance to write his own story. Brendan Dudas and the Short Shorts pulled off the biggest free-agent signing in league history on Day 1 of free agency, prying Witty away from the Hounds with an offer too good to refuse. The decision sent shockwaves through the Dirtyard and beyond. Watch Witty's decision reveal here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxmogrGFD4g A Move No One Saw Coming For weeks, it was all but certain—Witty was running it back with the Hounds. Why wouldn’t he? The team was built to three-peat. He was the unquestioned ace. The leader. The guy. A dynasty was forming, and Witty was the foundation. But then, an hour before his decision, everything changed. Witty spoke with his mom, likely looking for reassurance that sticking with the Hounds was the right move. Instead, she hit him with a truth bomb: Don’t throw away a better opportunity just because you're afraid of upsetting someone. And just like that, Myc Witty was gone. A Friendship in Ruins The man responsible for orchestrating this stunning move? Brendan Dudas. The Shorts’ GM. The CCW commissioner. A three-time MVP. And—until this moment—one of Hounds GM Dylan Jones’ closest friends. Dudas wasn’t just friendly with Jones. He was the best man at his wedding. Now? He’s the man who just stole his ace. Jones and Dudas have been aligned in CCW for years, both pillars of the league. But that relationship may never be the same. Dudas didn’t just poach a player. He ripped the heart out of the Hounds. The Shorts Were Done Being Complacent For the past few years, the Shorts have been good—consistently competitive, always in the mix. But good wasn’t enough. They were watching from the sidelines as the Hounds built a dynasty, winning back-to-back titles while the Shorts faded further from CCW’s center stage. Originally, Dudas had plans to run it back with much of last year’s roster. Consistency. Stability. A solid team. Then he tore those plans to shreds. Signing Witty wasn’t just about getting the best pitcher in the league—it was about making a statement. The Shorts are done being an afterthought. They aren’t here for fun. They aren’t here to just compete. They are coming for Dirtyard Classic title #2. Dudas & Witty: The Most Decorated Duo in CCW History Dudas didn’t just land a star—he formed the most feared duo CCW has ever seen. Brendan Dudas:
Dudas has long been one of the greatest hitters the game has ever seen. Witty has owned the league from the mound the last two years. Together? This isn’t just a duo. This is a superteam. The Shorts haven’t won a championship since 2015, and Dudas is going all in with the goal of ending that drought in 2025. The Hounds’ Dynasty is in Jeopardy Meanwhile, the Hounds have just suffered the biggest gut punch in CCW history. For two years, they ruled the league. For two years, they had the best pitcher leading the charge. Now, just like that, the foundation has crumbled. Can they recover? Or is this the end of the Hounds as we know them? One thing is for sure: when Witty and the Shorts step onto the field against his former team, it won’t just be a game. It’ll be war. A New Era Begins Years from now, CCW fans will look back at this moment as the turning point. Did Witty just make the smartest move in league history? Or did he just walk away from the greatest dynasty CCW was ever going to see? The pressure is on. The spotlight is blinding. And when Opening Day rolls around, all eyes will be on Witty and the Shorts. This is possibly the biggest moment in CCW history. And it’s only just beginning.   By The Face of the League Circa March 2021. A young and mischievous boy decides to ride a scooter after a long, fun-filled day of drinking. Naturally, all he wants to do is ride in the middle of the street and showcase all the sick tricks he can do for his friend (literally all he can do is kind of hop). It was in this moment that his life would change for the foreseeable future. The trick (hop) was not-so-gracefully landed (it looked so sick), but his celebration led to him skidding across the pavement further than Vin Diesel’s tires in a Fast & Furious movie. Flash forward two months, and the boy was feeling the repercussions of his late-night joyride. Two shoulder surgeries, some suicidal ideation, getting dumped, and an altercation during a Wiffle ball game he wasn’t even playing in forced him to evaluate his future. “Maybe I SHOULD just shut it,” he pondered long and hard as he gazed into his own empty reflection. And shut it he did. He vowed to become a better person, to not unnecessarily talk shit to Wiffle ball players he’d never met, to never ride a scooter again. And so, he did. And you know what he got in return? A fucking .179 batting average and benched in the playoffs two years in a row. Good guys never win, and villains live forever – I’m back, motherfuckers. Now, let’s roast some losers. Wild Card Wednesday begins tomorrow, and it’s sure to come with drama. Absent from the play-in games will be the one and two seeds, the Yakkers and Moonshots, (dis)respectively. The Yakkers and Moonshots auto-qualifying for Double-Elim Sunday is a testament demonstrating that even YOU can be a Wiffle ball star if you have a bullshit job (Rudy Lyon) or build a K zone in your garage and isolate the rest of your friends and family (Will Smithey). Lyon, a staple of CCW since 2017, Yakkers Head Coach, and the Associate Commissioner (he does all the bitch work Brendan Dudas doesn’t feel like doing), put together a team fit for a nursing home league, proving that sometimes age and experience can help you win. The cowardly Lyon has looked more like a wizard at the plate and on the mound this year, seemingly unaffected by the pitching dominance that has overtaken the league. Accompanying Lyon is fellow geezer Thomas Hopkins, who has proven that you don’t need Cialis to have top-tier power after 40. Aidan Palmer has been the Yaks ace this year despite carrying the emotional burden of knowing his girlfriend would rather live in the woods for months on end than deal with him daily. Rounding out the Yakkers are CCW newcomer and resident TikTokker Connor Smith, who already has more potential than half the league despite his mom having to drive him to games, and longtime CCW veteran Sawyer Mitchell, who returned to the league this year following a several year hiatus as he trained for the Slow Pitch Softball Olympics. The Moonshots are led by Smithey, who is a multi-time NWLA Player of the Year, which just means he is really lucky he already has a wife that loves him. Smithey has been dominant as expected on both sides of the ball, leading the league in HRs and RBIs and finishing second with a 0.46 ERA. Aiming to help Smithey win another championship is forever Moonshot Tyler Gregory. Gregory has maintained above-average production despite the addition of a second child and 15 more pounds. A slew of role players have joined the Shots in hopes of reaching the stars, including Cody House, Mitch Unversaw, and Jay Wilsey. Each have managed to find ways to be useful throughout the season so far despite bringing the league’s average IQ below 90. Connor Young completes the Moonshots roster, and one would have to assume he is the favourite to win Rookie of the Year and say, “Who's the Face of the League?” when reading this article. Enough about the front runners - let’s get to the Wednesday Previews. 8 Balls @ Short Shorts Run Line: Shorts -1.5 Total: 2.5 8 Balls Head Coach Reid Werner entered the season full of optimism and bliss, taking over the mantle from silver fox and future Hall of Famer Mike Speek Sr. Those quickly turned to hopelessness and anguish, as he has been unable to regain his Kylo Rain form from years past. Though Werner has performed below expectations on the bump, he has still salvaged a respectable season thanks to his bat. Austin Alles, nicknamed The Rabbit due to his bullshit diet, continued to be a force at the plate this year as an 8 Ball, while also emerging as a solid number two arm. Alex Gurtcheff served as the other offensive addition for the 8 Balls this year and he did not disappoint, batting over .300 while singlehandedly keeping the CCW content team afloat as the rest of the crew proves useless. With those three players, one likely wonders how the 8 Balls ended up in last place. Well, here at CCW, you must start four players, and when your fourth player is Josh Hart, you’re just simply fucked. Commissioner Brendan Dudas, whose ego is the size of his child’s head (it’s alien-sized HUGE), served as the face of a nearly brand-new Short Shorts team this year. Dudas remained one of the best hitters in the league as he has for the last decade, finishing with a league-best .410 average and tied for second in bombs. Former collegiate pitcher Jerry Sprinkle rejoined Dudas on the Shorts and picked up right where he left off as their ace, posting a 0.55 ERA and speaking approximately 8 words per game. The Short Shorts prized acquisition this summer was Dustin Dowden, who came as a package deal with his brother Thanasis (Dylan Dowden). Though nothing special at the plate, the twins have bought into the Dudas system (get on base for me), and it’s helped propel the Shorts to the three seed in the playoffs. The last true contributor on the Short Shorts is Connor Morris, the former 8 Ball extraordinaire who joined Dudas this summer after being reportedly unhappy with the decision to name Werner the 8 Balls coach. “This is Greenwood all over again,” alleged Morris. Dudas’ favourite player, reigning Rookie of the Year Alec Berninger, and newcomer Dustin Laugel, who has a beard straight out of a semi-truck, provide the roster with some additional depth. Stampede @ Hounds Run Line: Pick ‘Em Total: 0.5 CCW’s newest franchise defies all common sense, as they are equally loved and hated by the rest of the league. Coached by notorious bat thrower Cade Luker, the Stampede embody his energy week in and week out through shit talk, drinking Bird Dog, and high-end Wiffle ball. Coaching has not been all sunshine and roses for Luker, however, as his batting numbers took a dip this year. Accompanying Luker during the Stampede’s inaugural season is best friend and cougar hunter Dalsen Murdock. Though known for being an alcoholic and his infamous dropped fly ball at the Hometown Cup, Murdock still plays better than half the league and has only improved during his third season with CCW. Where the Stampede truly excel in on the rubber, as they are led by two lanky CCW vets. A nonsteroidal Holden Palmer has been the go- to arm this year, as he has been nearly unhittable when he is on and has a cigarette in his mouth. Lefty Mitch Buis has served as the Stampede’s number two arm, though his mustache is number one in our hearts. Palmer and Buis pick up what the Stampede bats have lacked, keeping them in games they have no business winning. Tyler Punt, who has somehow gotten through an entire season without getting hurt, rounds out the Stampede. The Hounds, the defending Dirtyard Classic champions, begin their quest for a repeat in a grudge match showdown on Wednesday. CCW’s reigning MVP, Myc Witty, is the only thing giving them hope for another championship, as he leads the league with a 0.42 ERA and 114 Ks. While Witty has carried the rest of the squad on his massive shoulders (he lifts), the rest of the roster has been a complete and utter disappointment. It starts at the top with Head Coach Dylan Jones, who had a baby (big fucking deal dude) and has now decided he does not know how to hit the ball. Not only did Jones’ baby ruin his swing, but he gave teammate Coby Taylor baby fever as well. Guess how that worked out – Taylor is batting .205 and may miss the playoffs due to the birth of his child. As if Jones had not already solidified having no shot at winning Coach of the Year again, the rest of his opening day roster, made up by Keegan Caughey, Tristan Dudas, and Colt Cantrell, has been as useful as Joe Biden during a debate. Jones did make one stellar midseason move by signing Nick Bundy, formerly of the now-dissolved Pork Pistols, though. Bundy moved back to Indianapolis from Dallas, citing “missing my Indiana summers with my Indiana boys” as his reason. He joined the Hounds and became arguably their best hitter immediately. As the CCW Playoffs draw near, the stakes have never been higher. With top seeds Yakkers and Moonshots awaiting their opponents in the Double-Elimination rounds and Wild Card Wednesday providing plenty of drama in a win or go home format, the quest for Dirtyard glory has never been more daunting and difficult. Playoff Odds: Moonsots +150 Hounds +200 Shorts +300 Yakkers +350 Stampede +450 8 Balls +600   By Brendan Dudas and Keegan Caughey Dirtyard Classic: Sunday, August 13th Tailgate: 10:30 AM First Pitch (Game 1): 1 PM Stream: ISC Network & CCW on Twitch/YouTube ‘Twas the night before the Classic… the crew at ISC Sports Network is loading up their gear. Multiple Hounds players are gathered around a blackjack table. Keith Dudas is a mile in the sky on a scissor lift. Will Smithey is in his backyard attempting to add just one more pitch to his arsenal. And BOTH teams are hard at work, hemming the tattered coattails of their stud aces in preparation for one… last… ride. It’s the Dirtyard Classic! LET’S DIVE IN! Despite having an entire salary cap system built around their star player, the Moonshots find themselves back in the Classic for the third consecutive season. Like the 8 Balls last season, the Moonshots have a chance to become the only CCW franchise with 3 titles. The red-hot Hounds are just two wins away from their first championship - a fitting storyline for the franchise with which Will Smithey made his debut. The storylines are rich and plentiful for both squads. Tyler Gregory has slugged his way into the top of the Silver Slugger power rankings, but might just be playing himself OUT of being Smithey’s right hand man next season. Blake Voris, intent on calling this his last year, just turned in a season as the 15th most valuable player in CCW, ahead of names like Dudas, Jones, Alles and H. Palmer. Myc Witty - ohhhhhhhhhh, Myc Witty - show up to the Dirtyard and LISTEN to him pitch and you’ll understand why the Hounds are playing in the Classic. That sound you hear is not Oppenheimer playing in the Dirtyard theater room (would be a cool addition), it’s Witty’s riser eviscerating our poor K-board. But HEY! I’m not friggin’ here to dig into storylines and make this some sentimental celebration of Wiffle. NO. The Moonshots and Hounds are ready for some cut-throat, do or die Wiffle ball badassery (and the rest of us may or may not have BETS to cash). I’ve done the research and gathered the data. I’ve plugged the numbers into my models and prepared those results for you.  HITTING The Moonshots lead the league in AVG, OBP, SLG, OPS and runs scored. Yes, that’s every single hitting stat that matters. They have 3 hitters in the top 10 for home runs. They strike out less than any team in the league. And lastly, they destroy lob pitches. If you try to get into a slugfest with this lineup, you will lose. Advantage: Moonshots (1-0) PITCHING If there’s one category that might do the best job of predicting the winner of this series, it’s this one. Through the first 3 weeks of the season, this one undoubtedly belonged to Will Smithey and the Moonshots. From week 4 on? Buckle in. Like, seriously - this pitching line is going to blow you away. Myc Witty since July 9th: 6-0, 40 IP, 107 K (16.05 K/6), .098 AVG against, 0.15 ERA… 1. EARNED. RUN. and a single earned run in over 30 straight innings of work. Myc Witty has taken over the Cy Young race and made the MVP race more interesting than it has been in YEARS. He’s the reason the Hounds are here and could be the reason they get to call themselves champions tomorrow. Advantage: Hounds (1-1)  FIELDING Don’t let the overall size of the Hounds fielders, Dylan Jones and Coby Taylor, fool you. These big boys can MOVE and they’ve got great hands. Thomas Hopkins, President of the Fielding Stats Committee, dropped the ball and forgot to keep track of errors, fielder’s choices and double plays this season, but this duo DID turn a double play on known-speedster, Cody House. Advantage: Hounds (2-1) EXPERIENCE In this year’s Classic, there are plenty of familiar faces from each side of the Mississippi. Moonshots leader Will Smithey has plenty of experience in big games, as he is a back-to-back CCW champion. As if that weren’t enough, his last-minute heroics at the 2022 NWLA Tournament helped CCW win their first-ever national title. Smithey brings with him longtime Moonshot Tyler Gregory, who is no stranger to championships himself. Though led by two all-timers, the Moonshots big-game experience stops there, as the only big game the rest of the team has played in was a recreational church league semifinal basketball game (lost 56-37). The Hounds have plenty of championship experience; unfortunately, all of their experience comes with crippling performances and choking away any chance of being remembered. Manager Dylan Jones, a loser in his lone Dirtyard Classic appearance, is accompanied by Jake Sprinkle, also a loser in his only Dirtyard Classic appearance. Give DJ some props though, because he recognized their inability to come through in big moments and grabbed Blake Voris in the off-season. Voris, a former Moonshot and two-time CCW champion, jumped ship from Smithey’s Moonshots thanks to a hefty offer from Jones (rumor is he was offered a bucket hat and will be named the Godfather of Jones’ unborn child). Voris brings the championship experience that the Hounds previously lacked, and it just might be enough to put them over the top (if Witty pulls through because let’s be real: it all comes down to that). Advantage: Slight Moonshots (2-2) DAD-BODS When comparing dad bods, you have to ask yourself: which lineup would make a Golden Corral owner shake in their boots if they were to walk in? The answer is BOTH of them. This collective group of dad bods receive a perfect A rating - as in USDA Grade A prime BEEF. When we finally get around to making the Circle City shirtless promo calendar, the likes of Gregory, Jones, Gurtcheff and Taylor are going to be FRONT and CENTER. Advantage: TIE (2-2-1)  WORK/LIFE/WIFFLE BALANCE In the long, rich history of this article, this category has never been anything but a tie. This year, that changes. I want to preface this by saying the Hounds are no slouches when it comes to ignoring the real world to focus on this plastic bat and ball. But the Moonshots… my god are they putting on a clinic. Will Smithey keeps a Wiffle ball in his truck so that he can practice pitch grips while driving. Dalton Lewis overtook the commish for most hours spent at the Dirtyard this year. Tyler Gregory is on the Mount Rushmore of Wiffle lifers for his delivery room stunt in 2022. Alex Gurtcheff and Dylan Dowden are two of the masterminds behind CCW’s content strategy. Michael Plourde shows up JUST to play defense. Advantage: Moonshots (3-2-1) IF THE GAME WERE TO BREAK INTO A BRAWL I’m hard-headed and don’t learn many lessons in life, but I still have sand stuck in my teeth from the time I tried to drunkenly wrestle Dylan Jones on a beach in Georgia. Lesson learned. Advantage: Hounds (3-3-1) STREET CRED Myc Witty and Coby Taylor. Need I say more? Advantage: Hounds (4-3-1)  JERSEYS I think both of these teams came to play this year as it pertains to their uniforms. The Hounds get points for the pinstripes and overall cleanliness. They each get docked a point for using the exact same font on the front. But in the end, the Moonshots get the most important point in the creativity category with their galaxy inspired threads. They’re clean and unique, and the color scheme is just hard to beat. Advantage: Moonshots (4-4-1) The final tally is in, and we have… A TIE! That simply could not have been predicted. If you’ve been left on the edge of your seat, then we recommend that you tune into the Dirtyard Classic TOMORROW to see the Hounds and Shots break this tie. Derek Schultz and Rudy Lyon will be on the call again, and the game will be available on Twitch and YouTube, as well as the ISC website!  |
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