Circle City Wiffle News

5/27/2026

JORF INVESTIGATES: An Exhaustive, Peer-Reviewed, Completely Serious Investigation Into Why the Universe Has Declared War on Wednesday Night Wiffle Ball

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JORF INVESTIGATES: An Exhaustive, Peer-Reviewed, Completely Serious Investigation Into Why the Universe Has Declared War on Wednesday Night Wiffle Ball

By Jorf Porsson

CCW Insider, Sultan of Sources, Accredited Meteorological Correspondent, Reluctant Victim of Precipitation

Something is wrong in Indianapolis.

Not the roads — those have always been wrong, that is a separate investigation for a separate publication. I am talking about something more insidious. Something that has eluded meteorologists, physicists, and the general population of Circle City Wiffle Ball players who simply want to get outside on a Wednesday night and throw a plastic ball at each other. I am talking about the systematic, deliberate, and frankly personal targeting of CCW fast-pitch nights by the forces of precipitation, chaos, and what I can only describe as cosmological hostility.

I have spent time — considerable time — examining the evidence. What I have found has shaken me to my core. What I am about to share with you is not speculation. It is not a hot take. It is investigative journalism of the highest order, delivered with the gravitas that this story deserves and the urgency that this league demands.
The weather is not broken. The weather is broken on purpose. And it knows your schedule.

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THE EVIDENCE: A CHRONICLE OF METEOROLOGICAL BETRAYAL

Let us review the record, because the record does not lie, even when it is deeply upsetting.

Sunday, May 3rd — Opening Day. The league opens in chilly, uncomfortable conditions. Not a rainout, technically. But cold enough that players were effectively asking themselves why they chose this sport over something sensible, like chess. The weather made a statement: I am here. I am watching. I will not give you warmth.

Wednesday, May 6th — First Fast Pitch Night. All but two games rained out. The Outlaws and Gold Socks played their series while the rest of the league watched water fall from the sky. Five teams sat at home. The wiffle ball stayed dry. Everything else did not.

Wednesday, May 13th. The games were played, technically, which I suppose counts as a win. However, sources at the scene describe conditions as "borderline unplayable" — winds howling directly into the field with the kind of ferocity usually reserved for weather events that get their own names. Temperatures that refused to approach 60 degrees. A wiffle ball, which weighs approximately as much as a strong opinion, behaving like a kite that someone has given up on. Pitchers' duels happened not because pitchers were dominant, but because the wind was dominant, and the ball simply refused to go anywhere. Brayden Scott threw a two-hit shutout and deserves his credit, but let the record reflect that the wind was also pitching that night.

Wednesday, May 20th — Full rainout. Gone. Cancelled. Washed away. Seven teams, zero games, one league looking at the sky with the exhausted expression of people who have been through this before.

Wednesday, May 27th. I am writing this article on May 27th. It is raining. It has been raining since Tuesday. Local meteorologists, with what I consider to be a suspicious amount of cheerfulness, are reporting "locally heavy rainfall," "scattered downpours," "slow-moving storms," and something called a "stalled boundary swiveling across central Indiana." A stalled boundary. The weather is not even moving. It has parked itself over our city like a guest who saw the guest room and decided to stay indefinitely.

The pattern is clear. The pattern is damning. The pattern suggests something far more organized than any naturally occurring atmospheric system should be.

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HYPOTHESIS ONE: THE OMEGA BLOCK IS MOCKING US

In the past two weeks, meteorologists across Indianapolis have been talking excitedly about something called an Omega Block — a large high-pressure dome named after the Greek letter Ω because of the shape it makes in the jet stream. This pattern, forecasters explain with barely contained delight, "blocks weather systems from moving west to east" and creates a prolonged stretch of dry, sunny, beautiful weather.

My sources confirm that this Omega Block is expected to deliver clear skies through at least next week, possibly beyond, with highs in the low 80s and what one meteorologist described as "a quiet pattern."

I want you to sit with that for a moment. A quiet pattern. Beginning Thursday, May 28th.

The Omega Block — the great atmospheric stabilizer, the dome of glorious dry air, the pattern responsible for what promises to be some of the nicest late-May weather Indianapolis has seen — arrives on Thursday. Not Wednesday. Thursday. Twenty-four hours after CCW's scheduled game night. The Omega Block is aware of the CCW schedule and has adjusted accordingly.

The Greek letter Omega, I will note, is the last letter of the Greek alphabet. It means "the end." I do not think this is a coincidence. The Omega Block is not just blocking weather systems. It is sending a message about what happens to wiffle ball dreams.

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HYPOTHESIS TWO: THE INDY 500 HAS CONNECTIONS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

The 110th Running of the Indianapolis 500 took place on Sunday, May 24th, 2026. In the days leading up to the race, forecasters gave it a 60% chance of rain right at green flag time — 12:45 PM. Weather Underground had it at 60. Yahoo Weather had it at 60. The radar looked ominous. Fans were nervous. The sports world braced for a delay.

And then? The race ran. The weather cooperated. Conditions at Indianapolis Motor Speedway were, by all accounts, manageable. Cars turned left at 220 miles per hour and everything was fine.

More than 300,000 people attended. Sponsors paid millions of dollars. Television deals stretched into the hundreds of millions. The international media descended. And with all of that at stake, the clouds looked at what was happening at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and simply… parted.

Meanwhile, on May 20th — four days before the race — Circle City Wiffle Ball's Wednesday night games were wiped out completely. The rain that politely stepped aside for NASCAR's biggest event apparently needed somewhere to go, and it chose the Dirtyard.

My sources are investigating whether there is a formal agreement between the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and the regional precipitation systems. I cannot confirm this yet. But I am asking questions, and I want it known that I am asking them.

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HYPOTHESIS THREE: THE TUESDAY PIPELINE

The data reveals a chilling pattern at the individual weather event level. In nearly every week that CCW's Wednesday nights have been impacted, the rain does not simply appear on Wednesday morning out of nowhere. It arrives Tuesday and decides to stay.

This is not an accident. This is infrastructure.

Something — and I am not yet prepared to say what — is feeding weather systems into central Indiana on Tuesday evenings with sufficient force and moisture that by Wednesday at 6 PM, the Dirtyard and the Graveyard are either underwater or bracing for conditions that have no business being applied to a wiffle ball. The May 26-27 event is the most egregious example: a weak system pushed north from Kentucky into Indiana, with scattered showers expected on and off Tuesday and into Wednesday. Tuesday to Wednesday. The rain commutes. It has a routine.

I want to know who is running the Tuesday pipeline. I want names.

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HYPOTHESIS FOUR: ASTRONOMICAL ALIGNMENT, OR AS I CALL IT, "THE COSMOS HAS OPINIONS ABOUT PLASTIC BALLS"

My research team — which is me, very late at night, on a website called StarWalk Pro — has confirmed that several notable astronomical events have coincided with CCW's weather-disrupted Wednesdays.

May is, historically, a month of planetary transition. Jupiter was visible in the western sky in early May. Mercury, the planet of communication and scheduling, went into retrograde in April and its effects linger. Saturn, which governs structure, discipline, and outdoor sporting leagues, was in a challenging square aspect with the sun throughout most of the month.

None of these things would mean anything, probably, to a mainstream scientist. But I am not a mainstream scientist. I am Jorf Porsson, and I have sources in multiple fields, including fields that mainstream scientists do not fully acknowledge.

What I can tell you is that the specific combination of Mercury retrograde, a challenging Saturn square, and a Jupiter that is simply minding its own business in the western sky creates what astrologers call an "adversarial outdoor leisure pattern." I may have coined that phrase myself just now, but the point stands. The planets have been poorly arranged for recreational wiffle ball in central Indiana, and until someone conducts a formal astronomical audit of the CCW schedule, I will continue to raise this possibility in print.

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HYPOTHESIS FIVE: IT IS SIMPLY MAY IN INDIANA, BUT THAT FEELS INSUFFICIENT

I have been told, by people who claim to understand meteorology, that May in Indianapolis is simply a wet month. That the area sees an average of 21 rainy days in May. That central Indiana sits in a part of the country where weather systems from the Gulf of Mexico and cold fronts from Canada collide on a regular basis and produce, as one forecaster put it with maddening casualness, "a lot of rain in spring."

I reject this framing. Yes, May averages over 20 rainy days in Indianapolis. Yes, there is more moisture in the atmosphere during spring. Yes, this is a well-documented meteorological pattern with a century of data behind it. But none of that explains why the rain is specifically falling on Wednesdays, specifically at times when wiffle ball is scheduled, and specifically clearing up by Thursday when everyone has already gone home.

The statistics say May is rainy. The statistics do not say May is targeted. I am saying May is targeted. These are different claims and I stand behind mine.

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HISTORICAL CONTEXT: THIS IS NOT NEW

My investigation has confirmed that this is not a 2026 phenomenon. Sources with knowledge of prior seasons report that last year's CCW season got off to a nearly identical start, with several early-season Wednesdays wiped out by rain before the league found its rhythm. This is a pattern that predates the current roster construction. It predates the Ligers' expansion. It may, in fact, be older than the Dirtyard itself.

What does this tell us? It tells us that whatever is doing this has been doing it for years. It is patient. It is strategic. It is playing a long game.

The league has survived. The league has adapted. The league continues to schedule Wednesdays with an optimism that I find both admirable and slightly heartbreaking. But the enemy is consistent, and consistency demands respect.

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CONCLUSION: WHAT MUST BE DONE

I do not have all the answers. No one does — not the National Weather Service, not the meteorologists at WTHR who deliver bad news with an enthusiasm that I find suspicious, not the astrologers, not the people responsible for the Omega Block who could have scheduled it one day earlier and chose not to.

What I have are questions, and questions are the currency of investigative journalism.

Why does the rain know the CCW schedule? Why does it arrive Tuesday and depart Thursday? Why did the Indy 500 — with its 60% rain forecast, its 300,000 attendees, its international media presence — get cooperative weather while the Dirtyard gets "a stalled boundary swiveling across central Indiana"? Who or what is operating the Tuesday pipeline? And is the Omega Block, the great atmospheric stabilizer named for the last letter of the Greek alphabet, actually the universe's way of telling this league something?

I intend to find out. My investigation is ongoing. My sources are active. My rain boots are ready.

In the meantime, the CCW teams will show up on Wednesday. They will show up in wind, in cold, in whatever the cosmos decides to send. They will play a Jack Off if they have to. They will play through a stalled boundary if they have to. Because that is what this league does.

But I am watching. And I am taking notes. And the weather should know — I have sources everywhere, including, now, in the upper atmosphere.

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— Jorf Porsson's investigation is ongoing. No precipitation systems have been formally charged at this time. This article has been reviewed by Jorf Porsson and no one else, because no one else was available, and also because peer review slows down the news cycle.

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5/19/2026

Week 3 Previews and predictions

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Week 3 Previews and Predictions

Last week saw a full slate of games take place, despite the hostile conditions to batting. With the wind howling in towards home plate, balls were getting knocked down, and it was a pitcher’s paradise.

With rain in the forecast Tuesday and Wednesday this week, it’s up in the air how many of these games will get done. But, we’ve got the matchups ready for you, and we’ll keep holding our breath for enough break in precipitation for both fields to be playable.

Shorts (4-0) vs. Moonshots (3-1)
Probable Pitchers:
Brayden Scott (Shorts) vs. Will Smithey (Moonshots)
Dustin Dowden (Shorts) vs. Alec Buchman (Moonshots)

For the second straight week, the Shorts are playing in the marquee series of the week. They’ll put their undefeated record on the line against a surging Moonshots squad who swept their series convincingly last week. It’s a double-edged sword attendance-wise for the Shorts this week, who will be without Brendan Dudas, but will be getting Dustin Dowden for the first time in fast pitch play this season.

Even if the wind isn’t an affront to offense this week, runs will be at a premium this series. Three no doubt top pitchers will be going, and Buchman has the upside to be right in that same category.

I think the Shorts offense will really be missing Dudas this week, especially against top tier stuff from Smithey and Buchman. Other guys in the lineup can swing it, but can they not just make contact, but actually do damage against the Moonshots’ arms? I don’t have the same concern for the Moonshots bats, led by Smithey and Hopkins (Hopkins was the only player to take Scott deep last year).

If Buch is able to keep the ball on the board and avoid giving the Shorts slow pitch chances, I like the Moonshots in a sweep.

Prediction: Moonshots Sweep

Outlaws (3-3) vs. Ligers (1-4)
Probable Pitchers:
Mitch Buis (Outlaws) vs. Aidan Palmer (Ligers)
Ian Garavalia (Outlaws) vs. Holden Palmer (Ligers)

This undercard series lacks the flash of the one above it, but is still an important on in the early going. Both the Outlaws and Ligers were swept last week, and looking to turn the results around.

The Ligers have the clear pitching matchup advantage here - Aidan hasn’t thrown yet and will be fresh in his debut, and Holden blanked the Moonshots through regulation last week. But, the offense is a major question mark, mainly a consequence of Dylan Jones’ apparent hand injury. They were going to be relying on him to provide the thump in the lineup, and if he continues to be hobbled, this Ligers squad who managed just one run in three games last week may struggle to hit.

I think game 1 of this series comes down to which team sees more slow pitch chances. Both Buis and Aidan give up a majority of their damage in that way, and both lineups should be able to capitalize on the opportunity.

Prediction: Series Split

8 Balls (0-2) vs. Hounds (1-2)
Probable Pitchers:
Reid Werner (8 Balls) vs. Myc Witty (Hounds)

The 8 Balls finally get to get some fast pitch fun, and they get the pleasure of staring down 100+ from Witty in the opener. What a rude awakening.

This should be an electric matchup between the MVP (Werner) and runner-up (Witty) from last season. No one would be surprised to see this one go to a Jack-Off, unless one of these guys shows some uncharacteristic rust to open the season.

The Hounds got a win last week, but were still missing some key contributors. The look of their squad is still up in the air as of this writing, but they’ll need their best group present to have a good chance against Reid.

Prediction: Hounds win

8 Balls (0-2) vs. Gold Socks (2-2)
Probable Pitchers:
Dustin Laugel (8 Balls) vs. Austin Alles (Socks)

Laugel, like Reid and Myc in the game prior, will also get his fast-pitch debut on the mound this week. The platonic ideal of a number two pitcher - someone who fills up the zone, and keeps teams in games - he’ll face off against Austin Alles, looking to wash the bad taste of his first outing from his mouth.

Alles is truly the lynchpin in this one. The Socks’ lineup will likely tag Laugel for a few runs. If Alles can keep the ball in the zone, he’s likely to hold the 8 Balls at bay enough to earn a W. But, if his control issues from last week continue, the 8 Balls are a patient enough group to make him pay.

Prediction: Gold Socks win

Gold Socks (2-2) vs. Hounds (1-2)
Probable Pitchers:
Connor Young (Socks) vs. Byron Young (Hounds)

How many times have brothers Connor and Byron Young had wiffle ball matchups in the backyard? Countless times, surely - though if this matchup happens, it will be the first time they’ll go head-to-head on the mound in CCW play. Older brother Connor has more experience, but Byron may have passed him in the stuff calculation, after holding the Ligers to just one run last week.

This Socks’ offense will be more imposing than the hobbled Ligers group though, and Byron will have his work cut out for him to keep them at bay. Connor, on the other hand, like Alles in the game before, will need to prove to his opponent that he can hit the board enough to get them out.

Prediction: Hounds win

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5/18/2026

Jorf Porsson's Week 2 Power Rankings: The Shorts Are Running This League

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Jorf Porsson's Week 2 Power Rankings: The Shorts Are Running This League

By Jorf Porsson

CCW Insider, Sultan of Sources, Baron of Breakdowns, Chief Correspondent of the Dirtyard

Week 2 is complete. Or rather, most of it is — Wednesday's conditions were, by all accounts, borderline unplayable. My sources describe winds howling directly in off the field, temperatures that refused to crack 60 degrees, and a wiffle ball that behaved less like a sporting implement and more like a leaf someone threw into a hurricane. In an environment like that, you are not hitting the ball out of the park. You are surviving. The teams that won this week did so by pitching, defending, and occasionally winning a home run derby that felt like a bar game where nobody wanted to go first.

Here is what happened: In the marquee series of the young season — one I personally anticipated with the fervor of a man who has been told, three times, that he has too many takes — the Short Shorts swept the Outlaws in a two-game set. Game 1 was a masterwork from Brayden "PP" Scott, who threw a two-hit shutout and let his defense do the dirty work. Game 2 went to a Jack Off — the league's home-run tiebreaker format — where rookie Jared Gray, unfazed and apparently unbothered by either the wind or the gravity of the moment, sent one over the wall first to seal the sweep. On the other side of the diamond, the Moonshots swept the Ligers — with a dramatic 1-0 Jack Off win by Will Smithey in Game 1 and a mercy rule in Game 2. The Ligers also fell to the Hounds, making it an 0-3 Wednesday that they will not be recounting fondly at future team dinners.

The league looks different now. Here is the new hierarchy.

1. Short Shorts — 4-0, +11 (Previously: 1st — HOLDS)

My sources were right. My rankings were right. And this week, the Short Shorts were right about everything that matters on a wiffle ball diamond.

Let me tell you what Brayden "PP" Scott did on Wednesday. He walked into arctic conditions, with wind that was actively hostile to offense, and threw a two-hit complete game shutout. He did not even need to light up the stat sheet — five strikeouts, but the defense behind him was pristine, and the Outlaws managed just two hits against him. In Game 2, Brendan Dudas threw four innings of one-hit, no-run ball with eight strikeouts, a performance so dominant that the only reason it wasn't a complete game is because the Outlaws somehow tied it in the 5th off Cody House — who, in fairness to him, went 4-for-6 at the plate and is quietly hitting .478 on the season with a 1.425 OPS.

Dudas is the key figure here. The bat has always been there: he is hitting .524 with five home runs and a 1.838 OPS. But the arm this week — eight strikeouts, one hit, zero runs in four innings against a legitimate Outlaws lineup — is the version of Brendan Dudas that makes this team even scarier on both sides of the ball. If he can do that consistently, the Shorts have a pitching staff consisting of three shut-down guys.

As a team, the Short Shorts sport a strong .473 average and a .989 team slugging percentage — and that is with the wind howling against them this week. The pitching staff has a 2.22 ERA across nine innings and has thrown a shutout. They are 4-0. They are the defending champions. They are the team everyone is chasing. The hierarchy has been affirmed.

Next up: Moonshots and Short Shorts meet in a home-and-home on May 20 — the next great series of this season's fast-pitch schedule.

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2. Midcity Moonshots — 3-1, +25 (Previously: 3rd — UP 1)

The Moonshots had themselves a Wednesday. Will Smithey is doing Will Smithey things so far in this young season: he went the distance in a scoreless duel with Holden Palmer in Game 1, won it himself in the Jack Off by going yard over the left field wall, then came back in Game 2 and went 3-for-3 while being a double shy of the cycle. Alec Buchman added a 3-for-5 performance in Game 2 that left him a home run shy of the cycle. Kent Nims threw a complete game shutout in the mercy rule victory. In a week where the wind made offense nearly impossible, the Moonshots scored 11 runs total and gave up only 1.

As a team, the Moonshots lead the league in batting average (.530), slugging percentage (1.110), OPS (1.690), and runs created (64). The pitching staff has posted a 0.00 ERA across nine innings of fast-pitch work — two complete game shutouts, 18 strikeouts. That is not a sample size to project over a full season, but it is a sample size to notice.

The concern, always, is depth. Smithey and Nims have each been exceptional, but the Moonshots' ceiling in a long series depends on what the second arm looks like when games get closer. This week's mercy rule in Game 2 didn't require much stress-testing of the bullpen. Against the Short Shorts next week, it will.

Josh Hart and Thomas Hopkins are still imposing power threats in the lineup. This is the most dangerous lineup in the league. The question is whether the pitching can hold up under a longer test.

Next up: The Short Shorts series on May 20. A statement opportunity for a team ready to make one.

3. Outlaws — 3-3, +25 (Previously: 1st — DOWN 2)

I moved the Outlaws to number one last week. I am moving them back down now. Not because they are a bad team — they are not — but because they were swept by the Short Shorts in conditions that exposed something I had been tracking quietly since Week 1.

Mitch Buis was not as sharp as in his shutout debut. He allowed 3 runs on 7 hits and 4 walks in Game 1. That is not a disaster — it's one of those starts where the pitcher survives without his best stuff — but it was not the Buis from last week, and the Shorts made him work. Gurtcheff pitched a full five innings in Game 2 and gave up 4 runs — he's at an 6.11 ERA through his two fast-pitch starts, and the Outlaws needed the Jack Off to even have a chance to win.

The Outlaws' team pitching numbers are the most transparent lens on their identity. A 3.89 ERA looks respectable, but the underlying contact rates and power numbers against them are concerning. The offense has propped up a pitching staff that, on most nights, works just fine. On the nights it doesn't, the lineup is good enough to carry the load.

That lineup, for the record, remains genuinely elite. Gurtch is still at .704, 11 HR, and a 2.733 OPS across all formats. Cade Luker is at .517 with 6 doubles and 4 HR. Buis himself has a 1.339 OPS at the plate. The Outlaws have scored a league-high 62 runs and have 22 team home runs in 6 games. But the schedule gets harder, not easier, and they now face the Ligers back-to-back next week — a series they should win, but can't take lightly if the pitching continues to wobble.

Next up: vs. Ligers (May 20) — a series the Outlaws need to win decisively to stay in the title conversation.

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4. Gold Socks — 2-2, -1 (Previously: 4th — HOLDS)

The Gold Socks did not play this week, which means their ranking is frozen by the results of others. They are 2-2, they are sitting on a -1 run differential that tells you exactly how tight their margins have been, and they are getting closer to a must-play stretch that will define their season.

Austin Alles (.696, 5 HR, 2.087 OPS) and Rudy Lyon (.524, 5 HR, 1.760 OPS) are elite offensive performers. Tristan Dudas (.583, 2 HR) is contributing. The team batting average of .500 is second in the league and the team has 18 home runs, good for third. The Gold Socks can score.

The pitching is the unresolved question. The team ERA is 10.00 — worst in the league by a significant margin. Alles allowed 9 runs in 4 innings in his only fast-pitch start; Connor Young gave up 7 in 4 innings in his. The walks (6 BB in 8 IP) are bad. The home runs allowed (5 in 8 IP) are concerning. I am not ready to write off either arm — this is still early — but they need a bounce-back outing badly before the narrative hardens.

Next week, the Gold Socks face the 8 Balls and the Hounds. This is the softest stretch of their schedule for the foreseeable future, and they need to take advantage of it.

Next up: Gold Socks vs. 8 Balls and Hounds (May 20) — a chance to pad the record and get the pitching right.

5. Hounds Wiffle Club — 1-2, -37 (Previously: 7th — UP 2)

The Hounds won a game. I know that sounds like a low bar. I know that a -37 run differential is a number that makes me visibly uncomfortable when I type it. But a win is a win, and the Hounds got one on Wednesday against the Ligers — and they got it in a way that suggests their ceiling is still intact.

Byron Young was solid, allowing only the one run the Ligers managed in five innings of work. Myc Witty went 4-for-5 with a home run and 2 RBI and looked every bit like the best hitter on this team. DLewy went 3-for-6. The Hounds as a team are hitting .458 — right around league average. They are not a team that can't hit. They are a team that has been leaking runs in massive quantities to the two best offenses in the league (Moonshots and Outlaws), and now we need to see whether they can limit damage against more moderate competition.

The run differential is going to be a millstone in these rankings until they either get a few blowout wins or the losses get narrower. Myc Witty's fast-pitch contributions will be the determining factor in whether this team breaks out of the bottom third. He is clearly this team's most complete player. The Hounds need him to be a difference-maker on the mound the way he was at the plate this week.

Next up: 8 Balls and Gold Socks (May 20) — two series the Hounds can win with clean pitching from Witty.

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6. 8 Balls — 0-2, -5 (Previously: 6th — HOLDS)

The 8 Balls did not play this week, which is both a mercy and a missed opportunity. They sit at 0-2, but the run differential of -5 tells you they have been competitive in the losses. Reid Werner is hitting .429 with a 1.357 OPS. Dustin "The Lush" Laugel is at .769 with four home runs and a 2.569 OPS, which is a legitimately stunning number from a player I did not project as an offensive engine entering this season.

On paper, the offense is not the problem — the 8 Balls have simply played fewer games than everyone else, and when the fast-pitch schedule picks back up they will need Werner to deliver on the mound in a way they haven't had the chance to yet.

The 8 Balls have a winnable week ahead. If they can take the series against Gold Socks and Hounds, they can be at .500 or above by the end of May 20 — a very different story than 0-2 suggests.

Next up: vs. Gold Socks and vs. Hounds (May 20) — two legitimate chances to flip the record.

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7. Ligers — 1-4, -18 (Previously: 5th — DOWN 2)

My sources are telling me there are concerning developments in the Ligers' camp, and the scoreboard confirms it. They went 0-3 on Wednesday and are now 1-4 on the year — tallying the most losses of any team in the league. Their first loss to the ‘Shots was extremely competitive, and the second can be chalked up to a (perhaps intentional) starting pitching mismatch, but dropping the third game to the Hounds — a team that was 0-2 and being outscored by 39 runs — is a result that my sources tell me is not great.

Aidan Palmer remains the one constant bright spot: .520, 5 HR, 1.680 OPS, and he looks like a legitimate MVP candidate when you watch the tape. The team hitting stats are another matter: .337 average as a team, .673 slugging, a .363 OBP, and a .1036 team OPS that is last in the league. They are scoring 18 runs in 5 games, which is last by a significant margin. Nolan Karwoski pitched four scoreless innings against the Hounds before giving way, and I want to give him credit for that. Holden went pitch-for-pitch with Smithey, as well. But DJ nursing a hand injury that has him swinging one-handed is a significant problem for a team that needs production up and down the lineup.

The fast-pitch schedule gets harder before it gets easier. The Outlaws are coming on May 20 for a home-and-home. That is not a series a 1-4 team should be circling in red pen unless they believe a serious bounce-back is coming.

Holden Palmer's pitching in Game 1 against the Moonshots — scoreless through regulation against a loaded lineup — is a data point worth keeping. That version of Holden Palmer is a Pitcher of the Year contender. They need that version to show up consistently, and they need DJ healthy.

Next up: vs. Outlaws (May 20) — an uphill climb against a team that needs a bounce-back of their own.

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— Jorf Porsson does not take days off. Jorf Porsson did not take a day off when the wind was howling in. Jorf Porsson will see you next week, warmer and with more takes.

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5/13/2026

2026 CCW Season Preview

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By Joshua Hart

If you have ever driven by one of the massive supply-chain or logistic buildings often near major highways surrounding Whiteland, Plainfield, or Lebanon, you may have felt a weird sense of loneliness and dread. Or perhaps when noticing a brand-new remodeling of a Taco Bell, Culver’s, or McDonald’s, the idea that something important was missing despite sleek new renovations may have entered your subconscious mind.

You weren’t crazy. It is called the “liminal effect,” and it seems like that feeling of corporate expansion while slashing personality may be infiltrating Circle City Wiffleball as it enters the 2026 season. Despite championships, growth, and an increasing digital footprint, the childhood nostalgia factor of playing a backyard game (think an eliminated McDonald’s PlayPlace) might be dwindling as life slowly cripples even the most enthusiastic league members.

But my goodness, what a depressing way to start a season preview article! Everyone involved is super happy and wants CCW to last well into the 2030’s and is fully committed to putting in the needed work and regularly attending league events so this pessimistic outlook does not come to fruition! And due to this, allow me to provide four quality counterarguments that CCW is actually in the healthiest place the league has been, and not headed towards certain demise.

One, league officials have dedicated infinitely more time to social media content, including a flashy website update, than they have on field maintenance and grounds upkeep over the past several offseasons.

Two, the top-tier talent of CCW is now spread across multiple wiffle leagues, one of which includes airline travel. This guarantees that the most important players in CCW will be constantly exhausted and mentally drained.

Three, many have cited that the new “fantasy draft” style of creating teams will create the competitive balance the league has not had for well over 5 years. Always a sign of a healthy league when rules and team structure are revamped annually!

Four, many of the aging veterans and league staples are dealing with new families and deteriorating body health. Thankfully, CCW has added several minors that are being forced to play against their will to provide fresh bodies to various rosters.

Let’s go CCW!!!!

Team Previews

As much as this makes me sick to my stomach to write, I will admit that firing off insults about other people’s weight, athletic ability, morality, drinking habits, and personalities is significantly more difficult when you are an active participant in CCW. These things were so much easier when I worked in northern Indiana and could simply fire off hurtful comments from the comforts of an apartment 3 hours away from the Dirtyard. Please know that (most) of this is not personal.

8 Balls

Let’s put it this way. The 8 Balls are more likely to find success and happiness selling actual 8 Balls outside Harding Street truck stops than trying to win wiffleball games. Beyond superstar and nice tall man Reid Werner, this group is more barren than the Sahara Desert.

Their other noteworthy piece might be Dustin Laugel, the rare functional alcoholic that’s actually trustworthy and fun. I think he owns a pretty cool truck too. Much of the rest of the team sounds like your average mid-level life insurance company sales associate team with names like Justin (Swingler), Adam (Watson), and Alec (Beringer) all rounding out the middle of the lineup. Gheez, I am sure the small talk with this trio will be invigorating.

One final member of the 8 Balls will be Keegan Caughey, a proud new father whose daughter Eleanor is already more athletic than he is as a base runner, defender, and power hitter. Caughey is guaranteed to claim availability to play in most weeks only to bail at the last minute for various reasons that revolve around him being too tired to drive 20 minutes south. Look for Caughey’s true impact to be found on the league Discord page, firing unnecessary insults and sparking arguments when he’s got free time at work. Sources are saying this activity could increase significantly during his paternity leave window along with an accelerating interest in day trading his daughter’s college fund.

Hounds

Upon examining this roster, I realized that lining up the team from left to right (beginning with Dalton Lewis) could be used as a perfect reference point for male BMI classifications.

Anyway, blah blah blah the team roster is terrible and there’s not much hitting. We get it, the squad beyond Myc Witty is a bunch of nobodies he found at an Amtrak station. But if Witty can find his way out of a squat rack or a gym mirror selfie station, they can inevitably win a bunch of games 1-0 or 2-1. Witty did a great job of drafting players (Coby Taylor, Mitch Universe) that will attend 50% of games, forcing him to give meaningful at-bats to players who have less worth than a domestic airline ticket on 9/12/01.

They will be the ultimate case study in whether the new drafting method for CCW will create competitive balance.

Moonshots

Do-it-all superstar Will Smithey leads the Moonshots once again, but will be facing the greatest challenge of his career moving forward; living a content life in American suburbia as a father. A past wiffle workaholic, rumors are swirling that Smithey may be more interested in early bedtimes, drinking in his backyard, and watching reruns of his favorite 2010’s shows after eating spaghetti and meatballs on a Wednesday night than getting bit my mosquitoes (why does nobody ever have bug spray after all these years?!?) in another man’s backyard.

In the draft, Smithey bet big on some players that have major question marks attached, which is always a great strategy when building a team. When the second most important piece on the roster (Alec Buchman) has not been a consistent CCW member in several years, the draft grade has to be an A+ (rules are rules).

Filling out the Moonshots is newcomer Kent Nims, which genuinely makes me giggle every time I read it. Yours truly will also be a ‘Shot. As someone who holds the CCW record for consecutive weeks with no AB results other than a home run or strikeout, I plan on making no progress as an intelligent batter during the season, leading to an inevitable postseason benching.

It is also worth mentioning Thomas Hopkins, a savvy vet who is guaranteed to be more helpful in the regular season than the postseason due to his inability to throw fast pitch, a great reminder that no matter how good you are, the only thing that actually matters in CCW is pitching. He will also hate the new league rules and policies, no matter what they are. A person named Erica Starke is also on this team.

Short Shorts

All you need to know about this iconic CCW franchise is the fact that the words “relying” and “Cody House” were used in the same sentence on one of the website’s season preview articles.

Speaking of reliability, Dustin Dowden is on this team as an important arm, a player that is about as consistent with wiffleball attendance as a female high school student who regularly wears pajama pants and brings a blanket to her core classes. The team also is excited to bring on exciting new rookie Jared Gay, a 20 year-old finance major from the IU Kelley School of Business (that no one has ever been denied entry to) and Vice President of the Gamma Alpha Phi fraternity, which is currently on probation for hazing violations.

Manager Brendan Dudas is still a great player, but many wonder if his life has been stretched too thin in order to lead a championship contender. Due to his involvement in the American Legion, running for Perry Township school board, a part-time night manager gig at Menards, and coaching high school water polo at Park Tudor, there is a chance the perennial MVP candidate could miss multiple weeks of league play.

Ligers

This group is led by two players you never want to see in the regular season, but definitely love to face in the postseason with brothers Holden and Aidan Palmer. While one of them has to be getting the news of a surprise pregnancy in their life soon, they do have a considerable amount of arm talent and might be the best pitching duo in the league.

Rounding out their roster are the likes of league dad Dylan Jones (currently dealing with an elbow injury that may require arm amputation) and BMX rider Nolan Kawasaki. Connor Smith is also on this team, and I am pretty sure I know who that is and may have talked to him previously, but because my memory is foggy, I am just going to stop wri

Outlaws

The easiest way to describe the Outlaws is they are a team that is filled with extremely nice dudes (seriously, this team will be the definition of pleasant to play against) that are secretly psycho competitive and absolutely dying to win a CCW title after years of watching the same two players that are actually elite win championships. From Ian Gabagool to Alex Gurtcheff, Mitch Buis, and Cade Luker, this group might have the best core of any roster on paper and will definitely beat several of the top teams during regular season play when actual aces aren’t throwing at 100% power yet. The Outlaws are destined to learn the painful lesson that B+ grades don’t earn you valedictorian.

One newcomer will be Kyle Lowry’s stepbrother Max, a 38 year-old rookie from Plainfield who pays premium subscriptions to four separate dating apps. Don’t hold your breath on this guy winning any awards.

Gold Socks

First, what an unbelievably stupid team name. I can not imagine the intense brain power and decision-making room that came up with this one. My mind just immediately goes to Goldman Sachs or Gold Bond foot powder. Be better.

I noticed on one of the 14 preview articles already posted on the CCW website that this group is a “well-balanced roster” which is 100% code for they lack the star power to matter in the playoffs. The group is led by Austin Alles, a clone of Juggernaut from the X-Men franchise. He will probably have a stellar season and then fall apart pitching in the 4th inning of a critical postseason elimination game.

The team also has league veteran Rudy Lyon, the equivalent to having Subway for lunch. Sure, it might be better than packing one from home, plus adding a double chocolate chip cookie to your order might prevent you from jumping off the Sales Force tower a few more days, but man are you going to leave that shared Marathon gas station wishing your life (or wiffleball roster) turned out a little differently.

Rounding out the rest of the team in terms of people I care to write about is Tristan Dudas, the only genuine athlete in the league. Progressively harder to make fun of every year that goes by, Dudas is likely to replicate the performance of his current Southport high school baseball team by performing above expectations through much of the regular season only to inevitably flame out against stiffer competition early in the postseason. When asked to comment on the matter, Dudas shared, “as long as I get a couple of tough pics taken of me for IG stories, I’ll be pretty chill about everything else to be honest.”
--
Season Predictions

MVP: Let’s go with Austin Alles, but can you even tell me who won it last year?
Cy Young: Myc Witty
Silver Slugger: A pity winner that isn’t Brendan Dudas (who will probably deserve it)
Rookie of the Year: Someone who recently attended prom
Defensive Player of the Year: The tradition continues - someone who tries too hard
Championship: The team with best pitching over team with best offense

5 Tough Questions

1: Will Pat McAfee ever connect with a league event or social media post (he will not)?

2: Can Ethan New get a hit?

3: Is this the year we finally have a fender bender in the completely unorganized parking lot?

4: How much money will Dudas monetize off CCW content via personal social media accounts?

5: Will one of the younger players in the league awkwardly have their parents in attendance every single week (yes)?

Might Start Ozempic Soon - Power Rankings

1: Cody House
2: Jay Wilsey
3: Dalsen Murdock
4: Coby Taylor
5: Dustin Laugel
6: Kent Nims
7: Dylan Jones
8: Alex Gurtcheff

Most Likely To’s

Have less than 10 at-bats the entire season: Kevin Dudas

Not show up to a game without communicating: Entire Hounds roster

Physically damage another human being, forcing them to drain their entire HSA account due to medical costs, in order to reach home base to secure a regular season victory: Cade Luker

Start an alpha male fitness influencer channel: Brayden Scott

Get fed up with an umpire or scorekeeper, but try to stay mature about it: Mitch Buis

Date a much older, successful, rich woman (and it works out somehow): Austin Alles

Slam a bat viciously then calm down real quick: Colt Cantrell

Have 7 strikeouts AND 7 walks in a row during a single game pitching: Alec Buchman

Offer you bourbon before noon: Dalsen Murdock

Smoke a cig after striking you out: Holden Palmer

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5/12/2026

CCW Fast Pitch Week 2 Previews and Predictions

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CCW Fast Pitch Week 2 Previews and Predictions

Last week’s midweek action saw only two games take place, after flooding rains the day before made The Dirtyard unplayable. As such, only the Outlaws and Gold Socks have any fast-pitch games under their belt as we enter week 2. The Outlaws swept the two-game series last Wednesday, behind a complete game shutout performance from Mitch Buis in game 1, and just enough hitting in a jack-off winner in game 2.

The Gold Socks will get a week off after the winless series last week, as will the 8 Balls, who, after this week, will have played only two games to some other teams’ six. Let’s take a look at what’s on tap.

Outlaws (3-1) vs. Short Shorts (2-0)

Probable Starters:
Game 1: Mitch Buis (Outlaws) vs. Brayden Scott (Shorts)
Game 2: Alex Gurtcheff (Outlaws) vs. Jordan Gray (Shorts)

We’re still extremely early in the season, but early returns have these two squads as the class of the league, so far. This should be a competitive and compelling series.

Buis is coming off a stellar fast pitch debut, hurling 5 shutout innings against an imposing Gold Socks lineup, striking out 8, and scattering 5 hits. After some traffic in the 1st frame, he settled in nicely the rest of the way and cruised to an easy victory. This Shorts lineup is nothing to sneeze at, but outside of Dudas, if he can stay on the board, he should find little resistance in fast-pitch at-bats against this group. Brayden Scott, on the other hand, will make his season debut on the bump after a lights-out rookie campaign. I don’t suspect a sophomore slump from Scott - but it will be difficult to repeat his success from last season. We’ll see how, or if, hitters have adjusted to him for the first time this week.

In game 2, the Shorts pass the baton from last year’s Rookie of the Year to a hopeful for this year, in Jordan Gray. Gray has some competitive wiffle experience, but as with all rookies, the biggest question will be - “Can he hit the board?” The Outlaws plated 7 runs in regulation against another lefty hurler, Connor Young, last week, and will look to pile on Gray as well. Gurtcheff struggled in the first inning of last week’s game, allowing 5 runs in the frame, but then found some steady ground and allowed only 2 more runs the rest of the way. Gurtch will allow hits and runs, but has to avoid the big inning like last week’s first frame to give his team the best chance to win.

Of note - with Dowden not pitching in this two-game set, he’s all but guaranteed (assuming availability) to throw in game 3 between these teams down the road. That’ll be a game heavily weighted in the Shorts’ favor, so for the Outlaws to feel good about their chances to win the season series, they’ll need to win both here this week.

Prediction: Series split

Moonshots (1-1) vs. Ligers (1-1)

Probable Starters:
Game 1: Will Smithey (Moonshots) vs. Aidan Palmer (Ligers)
Game 2: Alec Buchman (Moonshots) vs. Holden Palmer (Ligers)

Tough series to be a hitter! These two teams go deep in impact arms, and it will be on full display this series. I’m setting the over/under on total runs scored this series at 4.5.

There’s not much to say about the expected game 1 matchup between Smithey and Aidan. These are two of the top 3 or 4 pitchers in the league, and runs will be very hard to come by. Whichever team hits more slow-pitch solo homers will likely win this one. Smithey is as consistently on the board as they come, and so the Ligers bats will have their work cut out for them, in particular.

Game 2 has the potential to be just as stingy an offensive affair as Game 1, with Buchman and Holden toeing the slab, respectively. This is a matchup I’m excited to see - as we’ve said ad nauseam, if Buchman looks elite, this team is a title contender, and Holden has worked hard over the offseason to improve his already imposing stuff. The league will certainly be watching these two guys to see how they look early on.

Another thing to watch - through a small sample slow-pitch weekend, Aidan Palmer looks like one of the best hitters in the league. Can he continue that trend against some of the best arms in the game?

Prediction: Series Split

Ligers (1-1) vs. Hounds (0-2)

Probable Starters:
Nolan Karwoski (Ligers) vs. Byron Young (Hounds)

The Ligers and Hounds play just one game to round out the slate at The Dirtyard this week, in an effort to get back on track after last week’s rainouts. This is actually the first game the Ligers will play, and the starting pitching matchup is very much up in the air, but I think they’ll reserve their premiere starters to go against the Moonshots’ elite arms. The Hounds are likely to match what the Ligers do, and so Byron Young ought to get the ball against Karwoski.

Two games into the season, the Hounds are down terrible. Only a third of the roster was present at the first weekend of games, proving an availability and consistency concern we had for this group before the season. They’ll be trying to dig out from under the -39 run differential for the majority of the season. Myc Witty will be present this week, rumor has it, but beyond him and Byron, there are again question marks surrounding who may be available.

Even in a game that may turn out to be a slugfest, this Hounds lineup is in desperate need of Coby Taylor’s thump in the middle of the order. Byron may prove to be the better arm in this matchup, but it’s hard to see the Hounds outpacing the Ligers’ offensive group.

Prediction: Ligers win

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5/11/2026

Jorf Porsson's Week 1 Power Rankings: The Hierarchy Has Been Reshuffled

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Jorf Porsson's Week 1 Power Rankings: The Hierarchy Has Been Reshuffled

by jorf porsson

CCW Insider, Sultan of Sources, Resident Prophet of The Dirtyard

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Week 1 is in the books — or at least, most of it is. Mother Nature had the audacity to rain out a Wednesday slate that could have reshuffled things even further, sparing some teams from accountability for another week. But I, Jorf Porsson, do not wait for perfect conditions. My sources operate in all weather. My rankings do not get rained out.

Here is what we know: Opening Day delivered the barnburners and blowouts I promised you. The Gold Socks announced their arrival with a 15-10 drubbing of the Moonshots before turning around and stuffing a 20-16 beatdown on the 8 Balls — a franchise debut about as clean as you can draw it up. The Outlaws showed up like they had something to prove, crushing the Hounds 27-7 in a game that was, in a word, ugly. The Short Shorts survived the Outlaws in a 16-15 slugfest, then handled the Ligers 15-9. The Moonshots bounced back from the Gold Socks loss by putting up 23 on the Hounds — a Hounds team, I'll note, that managed 4 runs in game one and 7 in game two, for a combined score of 11 against two opponents who were not particularly trying to be stingy. The Ligers beat the 8 Balls 8-7 in a close one. Then Wednesday's fast-pitch slate gave us only Outlaws-Gold Socks due to only one field being playable: a sweep for Mitch Buis and company, 9-0 and 8-7, putting them firmly atop the early standings.

The fast-pitch slate that was rained out — Moonshots vs. 8 Balls and Hounds vs. Ligers — gets pushed to future weeks, leaving some teams with only two games played. That matters for context. That said, I have SOURCES, and I have EYES, and neither requires a full sample size.

Here are my Week 1 Power Rankings.

1. Outlaws — 3-1, +29 run differential (Previously: 3rd — UP 2)

I came into this season with sources whispering that Gurtch was locked in. I did not know it would look like this. Alex "Swamp Donkey" Gurtcheff is hitting .810 with 11 home runs and an OPS north of 3.300 through four games. The man has not simply picked up where he left off — he has accelerated past last season's Most Improved Player performance and appears to be lapping the field.

Cade Luker is right behind him — .619, 4 HR, 29 total bases — and Mitch Buis on the mound has been immaculate when it mattered most, throwing a shutout in Game 1 of the fast-pitch sweep against a Gold Socks team that had just looked very good. The Outlaws were ranked 3rd coming in on the strength of their lineup. The lineup has delivered. If the pitching holds anywhere close to what Wednesday suggested, this team is a title contender, not just a dark horse.

The one data point of caution: Gurtch allowed 7 runs in 4 innings in his fast-pitch appearance. The offense can carry a rough pitching outing here and there, but if Buis is the only reliable arm, eventually they'll hit a wall. For now, though? The Outlaws are the team I'm watching most closely.

Next up: Outlaws vs. Short Shorts (May 13) — the most anticipated series of the fast-pitch season so far.

2. Short Shorts — 2-0, +7 (Previously: 1st — DOWN 1)

The defending champs go a perfect 2-0 in slow pitch and sit on top of the standings by record, but I'm ranking them second this week for one reason: the Outlaws have played more, done more, and done it more convincingly. The Short Shorts have not yet faced the fast-pitch pressure test, but will have an illuminating series against the Outlaws this week.

What I can say is that Brayden "PP" Scott is doing unspeakable things at the plate in slow pitch — .800, 5 home runs, an OPS that the stats website rendered in a font it wasn't designed to display. Brendan Dudas has 4 home runs, 8 RBI and an OPS of 2.000, because of course he does. Cody House has 3 bombs. Dustin Dowden is contributing. This team is elite and showing it. They just need the fast-pitch résumé to back up where I have them in this list.

Ranking them second is not a knock. It is the cost of a weather event and a schedule that gave others more opportunities to impress. The Shorts remain the defending champions, the most well-rounded roster on paper, and they will get their fast-pitch moment this Wednesday against the Outlaws. The ranking fight continues.

Next up: Short Shorts vs. Outlaws (May 13) — the series this rankings piece is actively building toward.

3. Midcity Moonshots — 1-1, +14 (Previously: 5th — UP 2)

I said coming in that the Moonshots had the highest upside in the league and the most variance. After one week, the variance has been… kind of fine? They lost to the Gold Socks 15-10 in slow pitch — a game they probably felt fine about conceding given what the Socks' lineup looks like in that format — then demolished the Hounds 23-4 in the second game of the day.

The individual performance has been nothing short of stunning. Josh Hart is hitting .750 with 6 home runs in just 2 games. Thomas Hopkins is at .667 with 5 HR. Eric Starke, returning after years away, is at .588 with 3 bombs. Kent Nims is contributing. This top of the order is every bit as dangerous as the preseason hype suggested, and it's backed by a run differential of +14 across only two games — one of which was a loss.

The question of whether Alec Buchman can be an impactful second arm remains very much open. The fast-pitch schedule will answer that quickly. But on the basis of offensive firepower alone, I cannot keep the Moonshots at 5. They belong here.

Next up: Moonshots vs. Ligers (May 13) — their fast-pitch debut as a team.

4. Gold Socks — 2-2, -1 (Previously: 2nd — DOWN 2)

I do not enjoy dropping the Gold Socks. They went 2-0 in slow pitch, with Austin Alles hitting .696 with 5 HR, and Rudy Lyon putting together a .524 average with 5 HR and 8 runs across slow and fast pitch series. Tristan Dudas is hitting .583 with 2 bombs. The offense is real. The preseason blueprint appears to be working.

But the fast-pitch slate on Wednesday was an unambiguous sweep at the hands of the Outlaws — 9-0 and 8-7. The 9-0 loss is the one that deserves scrutiny. Austin Alles allowed 9 runs in 4 innings, and the command issues that the preseason power rankings flagged as his one weakness showed up on the biggest fast-pitch stage of the young season. Connor Young also had a forgettable outing — 7 ER in 4 innings.

This was one night, against a very hot team, in the first set of fast-pitch games. I am not panicking. The offense will carry them through plenty of rough pitching nights. But the gap between the Socks' floor and ceiling on the mound just got a little more real, and the Outlaws — who are an early-season measuring stick — handed them a swift lesson.

Next up: Bye this week, Hounds and 8 Balls on the 20th.

5. Ligers — 1-1, -5 (Previously: 6th — UP 1)

The Ligers beat the 8 Balls 8-7 on Opening Day in a game that was closer than advertised, then dropped a 15-9 contest to the Short Shorts. Aidan Palmer at the plate has been an absolute revelation — .750 with 5 home runs and an OPS of 2.750 through just 2 games. That is not a slow start from Aidan Palmer. That is a statement.

The questions that existed before the season began — will the Palmer pitching duo be elite? Can Connor Smith and Nolan Karwoski hit? Will the defense hold up? — remain largely open. Dylan Jones is at .500 in slow pitch, Connor Smith has 3 HR in limited action, and the supporting cast is producing. Karwoski has been quieter.

The Ligers move up because the offense through Aidan has been genuinely elite, and because a 1-1 record against the Short Shorts and 8 Balls is not a bad starting position. This team has not played fast pitch yet, and I suspect that's where the real verdict comes down. Fast pitch this week against the Moonshots will be a significant early test.

Next up: Ligers vs. Moonshots (May 13) and a busy schedule against the Outlaws the following week.

6. 8 Balls — 0-2, -5 (Previously: 7th — UP 1)
My sources have confirmed that Reid Werner is, in fact, still Reid Werner. The reigning MVP is hitting .429 with 2 home runs and has been giving this team a chance to win. The problem — the exact problem I identified before the season — is that the supporting cast has not yet given him anything to work with.

Dustin Laugel, I will give him this: .769 with 4 HR in 2 games in slow pitch, which is entirely encouraging for a guy we didn't project to hit like that. If The Lush is for real as a bat, the 8 Balls' offensive floor is meaningfully higher than expected. Swingler was missed in week 1’s action. Adam Watson has shown some promise in hsi rookie debut. But the 8 Balls are 0-2 against the Ligers and Gold Socks, two teams they should be competitive with, and the run differential is not flattering.

They move up one from 7th because the Hounds have made a compelling case for last place, not because the 8 Balls have earned anything. That said — don't sleep on Kylo Rain when Wednesday nights get misty.

Next up: Bye this week; then 8 Balls vs. Gold Socks (May 20) — a winnable series against a team with real pitching questions.

7. Hounds Wiffle Club — 0-2, -39 (Previously: 4th — DOWN 3)
There is no way to dress this up, and I will not insult your intelligence by trying. The Hounds allowed 23 runs to the Moonshots and 27 runs to the Outlaws. Twenty-three. Twenty-seven. They are -39 in run differential through two games, which means they have been outscored by an average of nearly 20 runs per contest. The team was missing all but Dalton Lewis and Ethan New in their season debut, filling the team with Ethan’s 11-year-old and Ashley Hopkins - Thomas Hopkins’ (of the Moonshots) wife. The vibes were, in a word, abysmal.

Coby Taylor, Dalton Lewis, and the crew will get chances to turn this around. The fast-pitch schedule is where Witty carries the load, and this team's ceiling is intact. But they drop from 4th to 7th because the gap between their preseason projection and their Week 1 reality has been the widest of anyone in the league.

The Hounds have an interesting week ahead: they’ll play the Ligers, with the bulk of the team’s availability still up in the air as of this writing. If Myc, or a lesser arm deal, we can start the comeback narrative. If not, the Hounds' early hole gets deeper.

Next up: Hounds vs. Ligers (May 13) — must-win fast-pitch energy, whether they'd admit it or not.

---

— Jorf Porsson has sources. Jorf Porsson has takes. Jorf Porsson will be back next week. Lock in, twin.

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5/5/2026

Fast Pitch Week 1 Previews and Predictions

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Fast Pitch Week 1 Previews and Predictions

The Circle City Wiffleball season is now officially in full swing, after a mix of nail-bitingly close barnburners and tough-to-watch blowouts on Sunday’s Opening Day. This season, slow-pitch and fast-pitch matchups are mixed in throughout the year, rather than stacked together. So, tomorrow night at The Dirtyard, we’ll get our first set of fast-pitch matchups, following the initial slate of slow-pitch tilts.

Expect to see at least one team on a bye each week for midweek games this season, due to the odd-numbered total of teams. This week, all of the Shorts, Ligers, and Hounds will take a seat, with the remaining four teams each playing a two-game series.

Moonshots (1-1) vs. 8 Balls (0-2)

Probable Starters:
Game 1: Alec Buchman (Moonshots) vs. Reid Werner (8 Balls)
Game 2: Kent Nims (Moonshots) vs. Dustin Laugel (8 Balls)

The Moonshots were able to split their first matchups of the season without Will Smithey - and even though he’s not listed as a probable starter this week, he’ll at least be in the lineup. I imagine he’s not throwing in a premeditated effort to line up the rotation favorably later in the season - something that not many teams did last season. While that all but guarantees a win in the third matchup between these teams, it does put them at a disadvantage this week.

Alec Buchman’s first start will be one of the most noteworthy early-season results, whether it’s positive or negative. If he’s recaptured his borderline-elite form, he’ll make this Moonshots team extremely scary. He’s got the tall task of facing off against reigning MVP Reid Werner. Even if Buch looks good, it’s going to be tough to score much off Reid, and I think the 8 Balls have the edge in game 1.

Game 2 will be where teams let the offense run wild. Laugel is a reliable arm, but the top of the Moonshots order, with Smithey and Thomas Hopkins, is scary. And, while the 8 Balls offense looks less potent, Kent Nims hasn’t had many opportunities on the mound, and almost everyone turns in a few clunkers early in their career before settling in. I think Laugel will limit the damage enough in game 2 to secure an 8 Balls sweep.

Prediction: 8 Balls sweep

Gold Socks (2-0) vs. Outlaws (1-1)

Probable Starters:
Game 1: Austin Alles (Socks) vs. Mitch Buis (Outlaws)
Game 2: Connor Young (Socks) vs. Alex Gurtcheff (Outlaws)

These two teams match up extremely equally on paper in a fast-pitch format. Both pitching matchups are neck-and-neck, and the lineups are constructed similarly, too. This should be a competitive, grind-out series. Game 1 will likely come down to who hits more slow-pitch bombs. Both Buis and Alles are great at limiting damage when they’re on the board, but both are prone to moments of wildness. Whichever team gets more of those opportunities and makes the most of them will come ahead on top. Buis’ best starts came early in the year last year, so we’ll give him and the Outlaws the edge in game 1.

Conversely, Gurtcheff and Young are both guys who will allow hits, but must avoid the big blow-up innings to be successful. Staying on the board is key here, too - make the hitters string hits together, rather than letting them get a slow-pitch opportunity with runners on. We’ll give the slight edge to the Socks in this one, who will have a more skilled defense on the field behind Connor, and will also get left-on-left matchup advantages against Luker and Buis.

Prediction: Series split

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